A lot was said but much was left to feel and observe in the four days long pilgrimage of the soul. It was a face off with abounding emotions of self and others. Some, I was familiar with while a few were bolts from the blue. Each day was an encounter with thoughts that I never thought were fears and, fears that I never perceived as fears. Several of them brought out the weaker side of me. I paused. Paused to explore more of me. The more I explored within, the more I listened to the other side. I was sure that I was not the only one. We are all made up of the same emotions. All of us wanted to be heard, felt, understood, included, loved and accepted. The only thing that separated us from one another was just the way we reacted to situations.
Over the course of the days, old memories resurfaced. Some were joyous and with some, hurt was raw again. It felt as though pain had been archived somewhere inside and those moments of joy were forgotten. I was feeling sore but slowly beginning to understand more of me. Identifying a pattern in me was not something I enjoyed. It brought out the darker side of me to me. It brought out the weaker side of me to me. It brought out my inability to fulfill dreams, both big and small. The more I deep dived, the more I realised that the reason was also ‘Me’. I came in way of my dreams. I procrastinated. I was fearful. And, I did not try enough. I made peace with it and the universe was merely an excuse.
And, if all of what I was going through was not arduous enough what became even more excruciating was that I am guilty of creating a similar whirlpool of emotions in some other lives too. Something I was comfortably numb about. In the journey to conquest my inner battle, I am more empathetic today. I want to listen. I want to listen to me and others. I am in acceptance of the dire. Meditating towards the future.
I am ready to deep dive to find my rainbow. A Purpose that would make life beautiful.
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